Hoarding can feel overwhelming—not just for the person living with the condition, but also for the family members who love and support them. Whether it’s your parent, sibling, or spouse, watching a home become overtaken by clutter is emotional, stressful, and often isolating.

If you’re wondering how to help someone who hoards, you’re not alone. An estimated 1 in 20 people may show some hoarding tendencies. While hoarding disorder is often misunderstood, there are compassionate and effective ways to support your loved one—without damaging your relationship.

What Is Hoarding Disorder?

According to the American Psychiatric Association, hoarding disorder is defined by a chronic difficulty parting with possessions, regardless of value. Over time, this leads to dangerous living conditions, health risks, and emotional strain for both the individual and their family.

Unlike general clutter or messiness, hoarding is rooted in deep emotional attachment, often linked to trauma, grief, or anxiety. Many individuals who hoard experience shame or denial, which makes intervention especially delicate.

5 Ways to Support a Loved One Who Hoards

Here’s how you can provide meaningful support while maintaining boundaries and trust:

1. Learn About Hoarding Before You Act

Knowledge is power—and compassion. Educate yourself on the mental and emotional causes of hoarding. Understanding that this is a mental health issue, not laziness or stubbornness, will help you approach the situation with empathy instead of frustration.

Helpful resources:

• What Is Hoarding Disorder? – Psychiatry.org
• HelpGuide.org – Hoarding Help & Recovery
• International OCD Foundation – Hoarding Center

2. Avoid Forcing a Cleanout

Throwing away items without consent, no matter how well-intended, can break trust and worsen the condition. Sudden cleanouts often lead to relapse, resentment, or more severe hoarding behavior.

Instead, start small. If your loved one agrees to clean a single drawer or box, that’s a victory worth acknowledging.

3. Set Realistic, Respectful Goals

A hoarder’s journey is a slow process. Create small, specific goals—like clearing a pathway, organizing a kitchen counter, or donating one bag of clothes. Celebrate those wins together.

Also, try to uncover what your loved one wants. Is it to have visitors over again? To avoid city code violations or eviction? Knowing their motivation helps build momentum.

4. Use Encouragement, Not Shame

Shaming a family member with hoarding disorder—saying things like “you’re ruining your life” or “this is disgusting”—is more harmful than helpful. Instead, offer gentle support and consistency.

You might say, “I’m proud of how hard you worked on the bedroom today. Would you like help tomorrow too?”

5. Bring in Professional Help (When They’re Ready)

There are therapists, organizers, and junk removal teams that specialize in hoarding support. The key is waiting until your loved one is open to the idea.

If they’re ready, R&H Distressed Properties can also help with sensitive, judgment-free home cleanouts or even buy the home as-is if a fresh start is the best option.

See how we can help families in difficult housing situations »

Final Thoughts

You can’t fix hoarding overnight—but your steady, understanding presence can make all the difference. Keep learning, keep listening, and don’t be afraid to ask for help yourself.